1. “I’m not jealous, I just think everyone else should stop existing when you’re around. Is that too much to ask?”
2. “Jealousy is like a bad Wi-Fi signal—annoying, hard to ignore, and makes you question why everyone else has it better.”
3. “My jealousy level? If you so much as smile at a houseplant, I’ll side-eye it for a week.”
4. “I told myself I wasn’t jealous. Then I saw you laugh at their joke. Now I’m Googling ‘how to delete a person from reality.’”
5. “Jealousy: that feeling when your friend gets a slice of pizza bigger than yours, and suddenly you’re reevaluating the entire friendship.”
6. “I’m not jealous. I’m just… selectively supportive. Like, I support you, but maybe not *that* much right now.”
7. “Jealousy is the only emotion that makes me want to learn how to juggle—so I can throw things at two people at once.”
8. “My brain: ‘Be cool. Don’t be jealous.’ My face: *aggressively side-eyeing while pretending to check my phone*”
9. “Jealousy is when you see someone else’s coffee order and suddenly yours tastes like sadness in a cup.”
10. “I don’t get jealous. I just… mentally add a ‘meh’ to everything they do. It’s very mature.”
11. “Jealousy is like a bad song stuck in your head—you hate it, but you can’t stop replaying the part where they got the attention.”
12. “I’m not jealous. I’m just doing a social experiment to see how long I can smile while internally plotting.”
13. “Jealousy: because ‘Why does their cat love them more?’ is a valid life crisis.”
14. “I told myself I’d be chill. Then they got the last donut. Now I’m writing a strongly worded letter to the bakery.”
15. “Jealousy is when your friend shows off a new shirt, and you immediately remember all the times they wore *your* clothes.”
16. “I’m not jealous. I’m just… practicing my ‘I’m totally fine’ face. Spoiler: It looks like I’m constipated.”
17. “Jealousy is the reason I now know way too much about everyone else’s Instagram activity. No, I’m not proud.”
18. “My jealousy isn’t irrational. It’s just… *passionately concerned* about fairness. Yeah, that’s it.”
19. “Jealousy: when you hear they got a compliment, and you suddenly need everyone to know about that time you aced a 3rd grade spelling test.”
20. “I don’t get jealous. I just temporarily forget how to be happy for people. It’s a gift.”